Come on, get happy! | Selangor Times
Issue 118


Advertise with us!
Come on, get happy!
Writer: Patrick Teoh
Published: Fri, 14 Oct 2011

The past couple of weeks has been sort of tough. On the old brain I mean. Mine. Having to remember lines from a script that is not exactly Shakespearean quality and having to say them while moving around without knocking into the furniture on stage. Things were so stressful that I missed the big event of the month: the announcement of the Budget by the prime minister!

And so, days after the big event, I went online to read what the fler had announced this time, and if his announcements were as entertaining as those he made on national TV on Malaysia Day. Sadly, it was not la.

Each year all of us Malaysians look forward to hearing what the prime minister would announce with the new budget. The word “goodies” is always bandied about by the media to describe whatever is being presented to the nation as the Budget.

And I can’t really remember the last time our Malaysian Budget was not “people-friendly”. That is the term the PR boys love to use, right? Along with words like “nod”. Like in newspaper headlines such as “Public nod for budget”. Meaning to tell us that Phwaar!!! The people are okay with what the PM announced.

Happy even.

Why are Malaysians always so happy about being given things that are rightfully theirs in the first place?

Ever think about that?

Wah! The government is going to be spending so many billions to build new schools, hospitals, low-cost housing. Say thank you.

Wah! The government is going to spend so many millions to take care of senior citizens, families of armed forces and other retirees and so on. Say thank you.

Wah! The government is going to spend so many billions to make life better for you. Say thank you.

Excuse me. The money you are spending is mine anyway. And you flers are merely the staff we “employed” to manage that money properly so that we can enjoy the fruits of our labour. You make sure that all my needs are taken care of first. Then if you have something to spare, then tell me about what goodies you are going to give me for allowing you to remain in your job. That should be the way ma? Right or not?

Now you use my money to buy submarines that don’t submerge. You live in a house that requires millions of ringgit just to keep the garden trimmed. And you have more money, or seem to, than I shall ever imagine possible for any one of your “employers”.

I have a mortgage on my house which has a garden the size of your doorstep. And each time I look at my bank account I either cry tears of frustration or laugh in terrified hysteria at the three digits in front of the decimal point that stare back at me.  

But I do have something that submerges or goes down under water la. My quality of life here in my home country.

Of course the big news last month was the repeal of the Internal Security Act or ISA. Phwaar! The media exploded with stories of Malaysians applauding. But the government was just giving back the basic rights of all Malaysian citizens, which they took away to begin with. So if a robber came back years later to return something he forcibly took from your home you say “thank you” issit?

Oh, by the way did you notice how the government tells us the “good” news about the abolishment of the need to apply and get approval annually to keep newspapers on the stands? No need already. Phwaar!

Everybody cheered. Good what! But the fine print read that the power to withdraw the printing licence can still be exercised at the discretion of some minister or other. So waffor? Same thing what.

And then some more we already know all the newspapers and radio and television stations belong to the political parties that make up the government flers anyway. So how does the abolishing of the need for annual renewal of printing licences affect us? We seem to be always happy at getting hand-outs of one sort or another. Whether those hand outs are worth jack we don’t seem to care.

This morning I opened the papers to see the story about our prime minister having breakfast with his family at some kopitiam. Phwaar! And that seemed to have made so many of us sooooo happy. A politician comes to the ground to mingle with the rakyat, the people who elected him, the people whom he should be serving and it becomes a big deal? Why ah?


 Selangor Times



Also by Patrick Teoh:

Quit the wishy-washy themes

few weeks ago my daughter who lives in Singapore sent me the link to a Singapore National Day promo video. 

It has to be bleep, bleep and bleep!

When I first coined the word “Niamah!” a lot of people asked me what it meant. Well, for those of you who don’t speak Cantonese, when spoken aloud the word means your mom.

Malaysia a safe country: The spinning goes on

The morning newspaper had on the front page a story about security in housing estates. How foreign guards are better than local ones. How illegal foreigners are getting jobs as security guards. How if we pay peanuts we get monkeys as security for our family and property.

Those damn illegal parkers

By the time you sit down to read this, the memories of Bersih 3.0 would be more than two weeks old. But I’ll bet that people will still be talking about the rally. Exchanging experiences. Telling some tall tales.

Transforming to what?

Just a few days ago I was driving past the Umno building in Kuala Lumpur. It was raining and the infamous bottle-neck traffic jam in that area of the city was worse than normal. I was stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic right beside the Umno building.

Absurd cost of … everything

Well, Valentine’s Day has come and gone. Along with the perennial, prerequisite hoo-hah that accompanies it.

End of the world?

In just a couple more weeks the Year of the Dragon is going to roll in. For the Chinese flers it is always an extra-auspicious period of the Chinese Lunar calendar. So what we can expect this Chinese New Year is an even more garish display of the colours gold and red in the shopping malls. Actually, the incessant Chinese New Year musak is already playing endlessly. Petaling Street vendors are going to drag on their sales of made-in-China new year “must-haves” until the last minute of the 15th day of the Lunar New Year of the Dragon.

Your right, my right, and all the ‘goreng’

In just a couple of weeks it will be the new year. Yes, 2012. Another year. But as with every new year for the past decade, I would say we Malaysians step rather tentatively into the next 365-day period.

Time to take the wheel

For a very long time now there has been almost complete anarchy on Malaysian roads. There appear to be no laws governing traffic, nor does there appear to be anyone bothered to obey them if there were. I am sure you see, as I do, on a daily basis motorcycles and motorcars ignoring red lights, double lines and stop signs.

Manifestoes un-manifest

Last month I attended a fundraising dinner for a political party. For an opposition party la. When have we ever heard of the ruling coalition ever needing to organise a FUND-raising party? No, right? No need what. Fund-giving got la. Especially near elections time. But I digress.

Conditional love…?

JUST a few days ago a friend of mine sent me a Tweet message in which she referred to Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak as our Conditional Prime Minister. I laughed out loud when I received that. What a wonderfully apt description of the man, I thought.

The Great Clean-Up

For the past week or more the whole of the Klang Valley has been quavering with excitement, fear, anger, frustration and maybe a little despair.People have been arrested. Threats have been issued by both government and normally level-headed Malaysians. Balai Polis stores are bulging at the seams from overstocking of bright yellow t-shirts which everybody wants but cannot have. After all they’re perfectly good shirts. 100% cotton some more.

Harsh realities of this flawed paradise

As we turn the corner and head for the second half of 2011, things sure ain’t looking that hunky-dory. My family and I enjoyed a few days in the remote beaches of Cherating, Pahang. Those four carefree days of rushing waves and gentle breezes and oh-so-calming peace and quiet were elixirs for the much-stressed average Malaysian soul.

Who copied who?

By the time you read this the good folks in the little red dot, Singapore, would have been to the polls and either a) elected the almost all-powerful PAP again as their government of choice, or b) elected a much younger, more change-oriented government from one of the opposition parties like The Workers Party or the Singapore Democratic Party.

He who laughs last…

As I sit down to write this a lot of funny things are happening in my country. Sex scandals. Snap elections threats. Detailed explanations of when a Bribe is not a Bribe but a Gift.











From Windows to a Mac: A guide




In for a sweet treat




A Majestic presence





Copyright © 2018 Selangor Times. All rights reserved. Designed By Senedi