Those damn illegal parkers | Selangor Times
Issue 118


Those damn illegal parkers
Writer: Patrick Teoh
Published: Fri, 18 May 2012

By the time you sit down to read this, the memories of Bersih 3.0 would be more than two weeks old. But I’ll bet that people will still be talking about the rally. Exchanging experiences. Telling some tall tales.

So the temptation to write this month’s column around Bersih 3.0 was tempting. But I resisted and so I am not going to write anything Bersih after this line.

Which is not say that I will be writing pornography. Bersih = clean, right. So “not going to write anything bersih” could give you the wrong idea. Ooops! Sorry I got one Bersih in there when I said I would not. Damn! That’s two now.

Okay, okay…

This month I am going to write about how lay people, meaning people who are not politicians or bureaucrats, think they have very simple solutions for what the other flers mentioned earlier consider insurmountable problems.

So we all don’t know the complex laws and local council regulations that govern a whole host of things. But let’s take a couple of everyday problems that we all face. And which to us simple folks appear to be so simple to solve.

Wait…wait…wait…of course I am writing about Selangor la. I live here ma. But I think could work in other places too. Okay?

First, parking meters.  They cost money to buy and install. They cost money to maintain. They cost money to employ people to go around emptying the collections. They upset people because it is inconvenient to use.

You know how it works don’t you? Find a parking space. By which time you’re already quite pissed off. Find a parking coupon machine. Hope that you have enough coins to feed the machine because it does not accept notes.

Walk back to your car to put the coupon in.

So how to solve this problem and make life easier for everybody? Bring back the good old reliable parking coupon books. I never knew why that coupon book system was dismantled except perhaps that it was done so that some new system would be able to line some bureaucrats’ pockets.

Think about it. The parking coupon booklet was perfect. If it wasn’t, those Singaporean flers would have installed parking machines too. But they know better. They always do. Don’t they?

Anyway, back to what I was saying. The parking coupon books. Perfect. You (the state) get money in advance. It doesn’t matter if all the coupons in the books are used. You’ve got the money already. And that’s always good business. You create business opportunities for many other citizens who sell the parking coupons. Convenience stores. Kedai runcit. The mak cik nasi lemak stand. And instead of an army of maintenance and policing staff all you need to employ is a handful of flers on bicycles to go round and check on cars using the coupons.

And of course you will transparently tender out the contracts to print the parking coupons. So some printing businesses in the state will get extra income. Everybody happy. System works. Kao tim!

So why is it not being done? Dunno. Maybe there are some things that we lay people don’t know.

The other problem I think we can solve easily is illegal parking. We’ve lived with this problem for as long as I can remember.

And I am sure that you, like me, have contributed to the problem at one time or another.

Why do Malaysians love to park where they are not supposed to? Is it because they don’t like to walk the extra 20 metres to their destination? Is it because we are so spoilt that we would actually want to park our cars right next to the mamak stall table for our breakfast of roti canai?

I think it is simply because we CAN! Let’s see you match that Singapore! Ha!  

Sorry I digressed a little bit there. How to solve the problem of illegal parking? Easy la. And at the same time can create new business opportunities too. How?

Okay, what happens today? Illegal parkers. Police or local council flers come once in a while to issue summons.

Illegal parkers tear these up and throw away to wait for the discount period to be announced. Right?

In other words nobody gives a damn. No worry ma. And so in the meantime left-hand lanes of major highways become parking lanes. Community roads are choked by vehicles double-parked and most times even triple-parked.

Handicapped parking bays are occupied by gas-delivery vans or mentally-challenged drivers. You get the picture.  

How to solve? Very easy la.  

Selangor got a lot of land, right? So we go lease a piece of land. Say big enough to park 200-300 cars or more. We  call for tender and appoint a whole bunch of tow-truck operators. We train a team of state government parking officers.

Then they go around together on patrol. Any illegally-parked vehicles get towed away to the pound. This goes on every day not just when the moon turns blue which seems to be the system now.  Think  about it. Everybody happy.

The state government gets extra revenue, compound fines and whatnot, for very little outlay. Tow-truck flers get regular business without waiting for accidents to happen. Citizens get properly-managed parking system. Kao tim.

This is the perfect way of alleviating the problem of illegal parking. And later we can sell the system as a franchise to those Federal flers so that KLIA, KL Sentral and LCCT don’t have to look like 3rd World.

So why nobody think of doing it this way? Maybe there are some laws we lay people don’t know  about la.

Eh? What’s that honking? I think that fler wants to reverse his car out.

Sorry I was double-parked. Got to go now. See you next month.



 Selangor Times



Also by Patrick Teoh:

Quit the wishy-washy themes

few weeks ago my daughter who lives in Singapore sent me the link to a Singapore National Day promo video. 

It has to be bleep, bleep and bleep!

When I first coined the word “Niamah!” a lot of people asked me what it meant. Well, for those of you who don’t speak Cantonese, when spoken aloud the word means your mom.

Malaysia a safe country: The spinning goes on

The morning newspaper had on the front page a story about security in housing estates. How foreign guards are better than local ones. How illegal foreigners are getting jobs as security guards. How if we pay peanuts we get monkeys as security for our family and property.

Transforming to what?

Just a few days ago I was driving past the Umno building in Kuala Lumpur. It was raining and the infamous bottle-neck traffic jam in that area of the city was worse than normal. I was stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic right beside the Umno building.

Absurd cost of … everything

Well, Valentine’s Day has come and gone. Along with the perennial, prerequisite hoo-hah that accompanies it.

End of the world?

In just a couple more weeks the Year of the Dragon is going to roll in. For the Chinese flers it is always an extra-auspicious period of the Chinese Lunar calendar. So what we can expect this Chinese New Year is an even more garish display of the colours gold and red in the shopping malls. Actually, the incessant Chinese New Year musak is already playing endlessly. Petaling Street vendors are going to drag on their sales of made-in-China new year “must-haves” until the last minute of the 15th day of the Lunar New Year of the Dragon.

Your right, my right, and all the ‘goreng’

In just a couple of weeks it will be the new year. Yes, 2012. Another year. But as with every new year for the past decade, I would say we Malaysians step rather tentatively into the next 365-day period.

Time to take the wheel

For a very long time now there has been almost complete anarchy on Malaysian roads. There appear to be no laws governing traffic, nor does there appear to be anyone bothered to obey them if there were. I am sure you see, as I do, on a daily basis motorcycles and motorcars ignoring red lights, double lines and stop signs.

Come on, get happy!

The past couple of weeks has been sort of tough. On the old brain I mean. Mine. Having to remember lines from a script that is not exactly Shakespearean quality and having to say them while moving around without knocking into the furniture on stage. Things were so stressful that I missed the big event of the month: the announcement of the Budget by the prime minister!

Manifestoes un-manifest

Last month I attended a fundraising dinner for a political party. For an opposition party la. When have we ever heard of the ruling coalition ever needing to organise a FUND-raising party? No, right? No need what. Fund-giving got la. Especially near elections time. But I digress.

Conditional love…?

JUST a few days ago a friend of mine sent me a Tweet message in which she referred to Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak as our Conditional Prime Minister. I laughed out loud when I received that. What a wonderfully apt description of the man, I thought.

The Great Clean-Up

For the past week or more the whole of the Klang Valley has been quavering with excitement, fear, anger, frustration and maybe a little despair.People have been arrested. Threats have been issued by both government and normally level-headed Malaysians. Balai Polis stores are bulging at the seams from overstocking of bright yellow t-shirts which everybody wants but cannot have. After all they’re perfectly good shirts. 100% cotton some more.

Harsh realities of this flawed paradise

As we turn the corner and head for the second half of 2011, things sure ain’t looking that hunky-dory. My family and I enjoyed a few days in the remote beaches of Cherating, Pahang. Those four carefree days of rushing waves and gentle breezes and oh-so-calming peace and quiet were elixirs for the much-stressed average Malaysian soul.

Who copied who?

By the time you read this the good folks in the little red dot, Singapore, would have been to the polls and either a) elected the almost all-powerful PAP again as their government of choice, or b) elected a much younger, more change-oriented government from one of the opposition parties like The Workers Party or the Singapore Democratic Party.

He who laughs last…

As I sit down to write this a lot of funny things are happening in my country. Sex scandals. Snap elections threats. Detailed explanations of when a Bribe is not a Bribe but a Gift.











From Windows to a Mac: A guide




In for a sweet treat




A Majestic presence





Copyright © 2018 Selangor Times. All rights reserved. Designed By Senedi